Why I Might Become A Mother Before I Am Married

In 2010, the 7.0 earthquake hit Haiti, and I was beginning my journey working for the mouse at the  Walt Disney World Resort as a college intern. It was at Disney's All Star Resort that  I was introduced to the Haitian culture. I was surrounded by their strength every day of my program throughout this devastating time. During my time in Florida, I created this concept of the Dollhouse a girls home for troubled girls.  I dreamed of studying International Social Work traveling the world and helping people but .......

I figured  it would be important to start in my home country first. 

Okrah Pea and Dr. Otis try to being awareness to the problems of young women

I chased that dream of opening a girls home and I ended up volunteering at a residential care facility for boys. The facility was soon closed down and I teamed up with an organization  who desired to open a home for girls. I was truly excited because it was one step closer to my dream. With the closure of the RTC, the organization quickly decided to take in young men instead of young girls.  I ended up fostering 7 young men in one year at the age of 22. After a year of being a foster parent and being on the verge of graduation I  understood the bureaucracy of Social Work in the United States. I had my share of agency case workers, CPS case workers, and therapists visiting our home. I traveled to mediations and parent visits and it was a very stressful task attempting to live a "normal" life.

5 Women of Haiti

The pasts of these children were very dark and working to help  young men cope with their pasts is only a task for the strong. 

But, on my mission trip to Haiti a girls home came back to my mind. As I tried to sleep on the concrete rooftop, I envisioned a home for 5 girls.  A home filled with love, good food and the opportunity of education. I remember telling everyone on my mission team that, if the merchants bring anything to our host family's home with 5 women on it, it is mine. 

I purchased this piece of art  to remind me of the vision. 

My best friend went back home to Haiti for a wedding and to spend time with his family.

 He saw a girl selling coal on the street and thought of me. He is very sensitive to people in need and hates to see others suffer. In fact,on our first date in August  we made a deal to open an orphanage in St. Marc , Haiti.  As he watched the little girl he began to tell his friend about me. He told him that if I  was to see this little girl, I would want to take her in. He knew a little girl whose parents did not care about her very much

He said, "You can take her to your wife."

Beautiful Haitian Princess

Though I am not a mother, I couldn't fathom giving up my child  especially  to someone I did not know. But, I agree with Mother Theresa when she said, "Loneliness and the feeling of being unwanted is the most terrible poverty."

There are young women in the world living in poverty susceptible to human trafficking, rape, drugs etc. and forced to do a variety of things for money. 

Her picture alone motivates me to work harder but not just at work or school but to work harder to live a life that benefits others.

Relationships Should Have Purpose

I have happily helped my best friend  plan a wedding in Haiti.  He was the best man and as we shopped for suits for the wedding I began to fantasize about my own wedding day and my future marriage. These fantasies catapulted thoughts like

"For what reason does God bring  man and woman together?"

 Now, I was not able to attend the wedding but it looked great! 

Wedding Party

The Bride

The Groom

God created man in His own image, in the image of God He created him; male and female He created them. God blessed them; and God said to them, "Be fruitful and multiply, and fill the earth, and subdue it; and rule over the fish of the sea and over the birds of the sky and over every living thing that moves on the earth." 

Genesis 1:27-28

Then the Lord God said, “It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him a helper fit for him.”

Genesis 2:18

When God creates a helper for a man. The man must first have something he needs help with right? Therefore, whatever he needs help with gives great purpose for their relationship.

Ideally, I believe that God would bring two like minded people together to create or build something for His glory. I came to this realization when my best friend messaged me that he thought about me a lot. I was like awww. that is so sweet. He said that the Haitian people kept reminding him of me. I was like , "Woah, how does that work, I am not even Haitian. He told me that on his trip to Haiti he had met so many people who needed help  providing for their children. My best friend has such a generous heart and strongly desires to help the people of Haiti. He also knows that I dream of opening a girls home in Haiti to help alleviate poverty and create opportunity for these young women. 

This conversation reassured me that our relationship had the purpose of helping those in need. We both have very sensitive hearts and hate to watch another person suffer. I appreciate our relationship and I hope that when people make the decision to be in a relationship that they are led by God, have total peace and find genuine purpose in their relationship. 

Purpose & Peace

Dating an Ambitious Immigrant

When I look at the list of what I thought my ideal man should be I found a list similar to this:

God fearing

Family Oriented

Compassionate

Hardworking

Positive

Helpful

Generous

College Educated

I assumed that the man of my dreams would ALREADY have a college education. My boyfriend is definitely the man of my dreams but NO,  he does not have a college education yet. But, he's getting there and it is such a privilege to watch him throughout this process. He is one test away from completing the GED requirements. He has only been in the United States a little over a year, has taught himself English and is determined to get a college degree. His perseverance and determinations has truly inspired me to strive for more in life. 

When he passed the 3rd test he thanked me for contributing to his success. I wasn't sure what I did but thank God  we are almost there.

He will graduate in June and then he is off to college to study Business Management.

I took my future graduate to Pat O'Briens to indulge in New Orleans cuisine and delight in dueling pianos. He loves music and good food therefore  Pat O'Brien's was a success.

Velrick's Creole Chicken

DeLisa's Shrimp and Grits

Skilled Pianist

Love is more about GROWING in LOVE than FALLING in love. 

Your mate will NOT come prepackaged in PERFECTION.

Each person in a relationship is a master piece in the works and it is your responsibility to see the beauty in their journey and help them reach their full potential. 

So, soak up the journey and enjoy each step of the way. Rome was not built in a day and neither is a long-lasting relationship. No need to rush down the aisle because everyone around you is getting married, a lifetime of love is a marathon and not a sprint. Take it easy.

Negotiation or Manipulation

Mission : I WANT this    _____________

Philosophy: Say what you need to say to get what you want.

I took time to formulate why I believed I deserved whatever I was after.I started listing all the sacrifices I have made, all the things I bring to the table and how I deserve what I want. Logical right?

Now if I was negotiating my next promotion this would be perfectly fine.

In a healthy relationship listing your sacrifices and what you bring to the table is 

IMMATURE

Lesson Learned!

The reason is that if you are in a healthy relationship you BOTH sacrifice and you BOTH bring things to the table. If both of you sit down and list what you have done and what you sacrifice for the other person …

YOU WILL GET NOWHERE

What I was trying to do was manipulate him. I was trying to show him:

He ALWAYS tells me about myself!

 Hey boo, 

• Look what I do for you, 
• I deserve this okay! 
• Now give me what I want!

& THAT IS NOT LOVE

It showed him that I wasn’t doing for him out of love but that I expected something for all the good I do. Healthy relationships do not have room for manipulation.

  If you love someone, you do things out of love and not because you expect to use it as ammunition to get what you want later.

"Let all that you do be done in love."~ 1Corinthians 16:14

Becoming a Cheerleader AGAIN!

The importance of sacrifice and support.

The Circumstance: After high school in Haiti, my boyfriend worked very hard to save money to come to America. Now, if you are born in the United States you have no idea how expensive and time consuming the process is to get here. He taught himself English because he knew he wanted to move to the United States. He worked very hard to get here and established residency in Florida. He is a total polyglot, he speaks 3 languages Haitian Creole, French and English. Now imagine going to another country and having to get an education in a language other than your native tongue. Difficult right?

 I started to throw little fits because I was unable to spend time with him. Now, I don’t mean I wanted to be with him every second of everyday.  I simply wanted more than the one day a week for a few hours that I usually get. I realized that my selfishness was was working against him.

I imagined this scenario like American football.

He was playing offense pressing forward to reach his goals.

I was playing defense pouting for his time and complaining about my unhappiness.

It was almost as if God called a time out to tell me

Love is NOT selfish

"Love bears all things"

The energy I was using to complain was the same energy I needed to use to encourage and uplift. 

I have now chosen to take off my helmet and get into formation..

Ready , Okay!

I realized that there are a variety of obstacles and distractions he will face on his journey and I don't want to be one of them. Plus, if someone was standing in the way of my dreams, I wouldn't hesitate to give them the boot. So, cheers to not being a nag because NO ONE likes a NAG!

I'll trade nagging for cheers any day..

5,6,7,8...

Be our heroes,

We need you today!

Don't let your dream

Just slip away!

You are mighty,

And you know it!

So believe you can win,

And GO FOR IT!